Undones, Do You Have Them?



Having faced death several times myself and recently experiencing the deaths of two very special people, I find myself preoccupied with loss.

Adoptees tend to do that of course. Our beginnings in utero had already started the prewiring necessary for our survival which was begun with loss of our mother.

Of course, I’d like to be thinking of sunshine and rainbows, but the reality for all of us is that death is inevitable. It could be tonight even.. It will come whether you’re ready or not. That is a certainty and we don’t have many of those in this life.

My life has been filled with loss as most adoptees are. The loss of our mother, our family, our heritage, our genetic markers, our family dynamics. Each future loss such as the recent losses I’ve mentioned open that old wound.

Then of course you add in the numerous losses one tends to accumulate over the years and suddenly life appears to hold nothing but darkness, silence, the sound of tears dropping, emptiness, loss of health. Living with an illness that could at any moment take my life brings it all to the frontline.

Being a practicing Buddhist I’m well prepared for the inevitable. I don’t fear death at all and in fact, at times would welcome it. Most people living with Mast Cell Disease can attest to that when you’ve spent days in excruciating pain, vomiting into a pail, fighting the anaphylaxis demons with epinephrine.

That in no way means I want to die. It means I believe one has to prepare for their own death in order to live. A close encounter with death can bring a real awakening, a transformation in our whole approach to life.

The Nature of everything is illusory and ephemeral,

Those with dualistic perception regard suffering as happiness, Like they who lick the honey from a razor’s edge. How pitiful they who cling strongly to concrete reality:

Turn your attention within, my heart friends.

The above is a verse of a poem by contemporary master, Nyoshul Khenpo. It clearly outlines the need to reflect deeply on impermanence. It’s very difficult to turn our attention within and so easy to allow our old habits, our set patterns to rule us! To reflect on this, slowly brings us wisdom. Watch how you repeatedly fall into the same old habits that always bring you suffering. Again, and again, and again. With observance and practice we can slowly emerge and change.

Your Undones…

Your undones are that persistent, niggling, feeling that is sent to you from The Universe, Your Higher Self, how ever you think of what is “out there”. It’s telling you that you have unfinished business. Business that will pester you, stress you and take your energy until you complete it. Mental nags are undones. They remind you that you have broken agreements with yourself and time and time again you’ll notice they rob you of your self respect. Creativity…gone. True joy…gone. Internal peace…gone. You are able to get back all of those things if you complete your undones.

Right now in your mind I’m sure you can identify several. I know I can. They could be unresolved conflicts, withheld forgiveness, appreciation not mentioned, love not given, goals not met, promises not kept. Your life is probably full of many more not mentioned. They come in every size, shape, and in each and every area of your life. Check your basement. It’s probably full of undones.

Let this sink in…You won’t find peace until these undones are completed. Just remember, life is short and very unpredictable.

18 thoughts on “Undones, Do You Have Them?

  1. Thank You Claire.

    I’m doing my best to cross off my ‘undones’, not by doing them, but by letting them go free. I find a stunning shift in the level of importance of those undones when faced with death and true illness. It has been a wonderful feeling to cut those ‘undones’ free. There are still a large number hanging on… I’m pretending that they are tails for my kite right now.. Rather than weighing me down, they are keeping me stable. It’s not working that well, but sometimes illusion is prettier than stark reality. Can’t get rid of it? Dress it up with flounces and bows…

    All silliness aside, you have a beautiful way with words. I’ve had a frenetic day today, a moment of thought was exactly what I needed.


    • Yes, you’re so right Karen. Sometimes the undone a do need to be set free. That in itself..is making it “done”. Many things get set aside when one deals with the basics of life and death. Perhaps those things were not of importance anyway. We tend to get attached to so many thoughts, people, things and letting go brings peace.❤️

      • I agree wholeheartedly! They are things that were ‘important’ at one point (or at least felt like it at the time), but aren’t. I find that I have a lot of ‘should haves’ as well. By simply looking at them, asking them “Do you need to be hanging about?”, it’s amazing how many undones and should’ves I can toss away. It leaves space for focusing on the important stuff.

        I could make a poster: “No loitering undones allowed.”! 😉

  2. losses and attending grief undo plans…just does.
    we seem to make the finish lines in time.
    then there are other pressing events. exhausting.
    one small step, one single breath, one infinite spirit. ♡

  3. Oops … Didn’t know this would end up on your blog as a “comment” … I need to be careful what I say publicly … 🙂 Xo

    Sent from my iPad


  4. I am so happy to see you post on your blog again my friend. And, as usual Claire, you have posted a timely reminder for me. I will take your wisdom to heart. Hugs and thank you.

    • It’s been so long Peggy that WordPress had changed🙄 Took me half a day to get things straight then ended up deleting things I shouldn’t have..yikes. I literally made myself stay in my chair. Thank you.. You’re always such a support ❤️

  5. Bang on and so timely. There has been, what seems to be, an over abundance of death and sickness in my sphere as well lately. As an adoptee who has also had a bucketful of loss to deal with I’m ever aware that every day is a gift and could be my last. Thank you for reminding me to tend to those things that remain undone.

    • Thank you for stopping in Linda. Yes, for us it opens the wounds that never seem to be completely healed. I’m so sorry you’ve been experiencing such loss. Holding you and yours in my heart and prayers❤️

  6. Hi Claire …. I also have this “Poem” tucked away somewhere … It’s so true … .. And you ..my girl ..so eloquently express what so many of us hold in our hearts .. That’s why you’re a published writer 🙂 xo .. Claire …. I’ve always beloved that God only gives us what we can handle in our lives …a small fraction of what you have dealt with in your life would have done me in a long time ago … That’s why I call you the Amazon WOman … (although I did read about Amazon women recently and not so sure that definition suits you 😦 …. You’re in a category all your own Claire ….. Your strength, selfless generosity and utter commitment to forging your beautiful way without faltering are an amazing inspiration to me ….I feel so lucky to know you Claire ….. I hope you’re having a beautiful Sunday … Sending Lots of love and healing thoughts your way .. As always D Xoxo

    Sent from my iPad


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