When I was thinking about writing this blog, I of course was focused on the fact that I am now
…permanently to tubing supplying my air.
The definition of tethered is:
1. a rope, chain by which an animal is fastened to a fixed object
2. to fasten or confine, restricted by bonds
3. at the end of one’s tether=resources, patience or strength
The subject of my words was to be my battle with Systemic Mast Cell Disease in order to educate. I feel all of those examples above. Out of the the last few months only a couple of weeks have been spent at home. I was tethered in a hospital to more than one tube. My goal was to describe my experiences of hospitalization and the reality of now requiring constant oxygen because mast cells have taken over a pieces of my lungs. One more organ in combat with mast cells for survival.
Tethered in many ways.
A metaphor for life in general.
To beliefs, to thoughts, to emotions, people, situations.
It all relates to being attached. This is my new normal. Just as with each layer of trauma peeled away in my writing of the two memoirs…a new normal emerges. It really is up to me how to live in this new place.
It can go either of two ways: curl up on the couch giving in to the idea…or: adapt to life and living, only in a different way.
To fight and grow and accept what is. To learn to live around the coils of tubing or thoughts and beliefs and change what I can, when I can.
I also relate this to living with the effects of trauma. Adoption, abuse, rapes…. It all ties us to the pain of suffering and if we chose to remain tethered to the past or our thoughts about it and belief systems.
When we settle into the present moment,
we can see beauties and wonders right before our eyes-a newborn baby,
the sun rising in the sky.
-Thich Nhat Hanh
When you find your thoughts heading towards the couch, challenge them, ask if it’s really true or can we perhaps do one thing today, even if it’s getting off the couch and moving to the chair.
Is it true you are really tethered, or is it your thoughts that are confining you. I’ve had a lot of practice with challenging my thoughts in the last few years. Adoption reunion, recognizing your deeply ingrained belief systems, pulling them up to examine them like roots on a tree, one by one. It’s not easy work but then, being attached to something that causes you pain is the alternative.
Toni Bernhard in her book How To Be Sick quotes her favourite Zen Haiku Master, the eighteenth-century poet, Kobayashi Issa. He suffered terribly with many losses and yet managed to write many haikus, some of which will always bring a smile. She states, “Zen helps”.
The world of dew is the world of dew
And yet, and yet…..
The last line tells us what we constantly must remind ourselves of…nothing is certain. Dew quickly changes before our very eyes and so does life.
For those of us that live in a physical or emotional state of being tethered…
Adoptees, Trauma survivors, Mom’s of Loss, anyone suffering…know in the world of Zen there is always…
And yet, and yet, and yet….
Yes, Zen helps.
“dew” can be illness, adoption, trauma…..and yet, and yet….