So, I just wanted to say a little something about trust. Of course, we adoptees have great issues with trust and intimacy which are so connected to abandonment and rejection. It’s such a fluid movement back and forth, sometimes it’s difficult to separate them.
TRUST: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, of a person or thing; confidence
Trust is a fragile gift, easy to break, easy to lose and one of the hardest things to get back. Why then, is it so casually tossed about?
In an adoptees world trust is a huge issue. In the words of Nancy Verrier, “its difficult to face the fact that by definition every adopted child is an abandoned child, who has suffered a devastating loss.”
This usually happens so early, in fact, can begin in utero that there may not be a conscious memory of it, but guaranteed it resurfaces like a dragon as soon as one detects betrayal of any kind. In a flash, we may feel intensely sad or angry not realizing the root of it all. Any situation where you feel that you have been abandoned may trigger this..and quickly and there goes the trust.
Adoptees also have this innate sensitivity and are able to detect deception or game playing faster than anyone I know. I’m not writing about anyone, I’m writing about when the trust has been broken..what then. A situation occurred that shattered…for an instant…a trusting atmosphere. The reaction was swift and to the point.
This was going to be just a video but the sentences keep rolling so I’ll just go with it. As a Ripple myself…watching other ripples become distraught I was thinking about how we can deal with these unfortunately frequent events in our lives where we feel the trust has been broken.
I think the first step is, recognizing our long-held belief systems and to begin taking back our power. Checking in with ourselves about what is reality and what is a belief that needs to be challenged. You know the big one…I was unwanted, therefore I am unworthy. Time to take responsibility for the direction we are going and how we want to feel. I, no longer feel like a victim. I have dug so deep my nail beds were bleeding to haul out the roots of such grief and loss.
Ultimately, it all points back to us. To everyone, to be our own best friend, to be the one we know we can trust. To know that..we can love ourselves and that we are indeed worthy.
So in the midst of the Trust Storm that was rocking the boat last night I was happy to see…..
ripples coming together as one, connected and still maintaining trust. Perfect storm, perfect ripples to practice with.