Is it wrong then, to chide the novel for being fascinated by mysterious coincidences…..but is it right to chide man for being blind to such coincidences in his daily life. For he thereby deprives his life of a dimension of beauty.
Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Since finding my biological family I’ve given much thought and study to Energy, Synchronicity, fate and the life journey’s that bring us together. Carl Jung coined the term synchronicity in his practice years ago inspired by a case he was working on. Synchronicity is a concept about connection of two or more psycho-physic phenomena. I know, that sounds like psycho babble for what we could easily call coincidences. As they say, there are no “coincidences in life”.
There are many reasons for these synchronicity’s in life from Jung’s application of archetype or the constellation of an archetype. That is simply the connection of objective manifestations, in the physical world to subjective one, in the psychological universe. Toss in astrology, parapsychology, premonition even psychotherapy and you find synchronicity.
In our realm of thinking and living we don’t give much thought to the strange coincidences that pass through our lives. The concept was never taught. Paying attention to intuition wasn’t on the school list either. You need to be open and aware each moment to notice. Many moments in our life could be seen if we become personally aware and do the inner work required.
Quite often synchronicity is noticed during times of turmoil, chaos, loss, some sort of emotional upheaval and often peaks just before a psychological breakthrough of a major life event.
An event becomes a synchronicity when it has meaning. A single synchronicity may be simple in nature but when strung together with others they can be life changing.
Many of the adoptee’s I communicate with can weave together magical stories of synchronicity preceding their reunions with biological family members. I find it fascinating because my reunion was full of unbelievable synchronicity. I dove into the depths of energy in my Buddhist practice trying to understand how this dance of life is all connected. We need to be aware.
Bert Hellinger who lived as a priest for 20yrs and then became interested in psychoanalysis wrote a book called Love’s Hidden Symmetry. He discovered in his practice that within a family there are energy pods..he calls them “constellations”. If someone is missing either by death, adoption, or for whatever reason, even if the family is not aware someone is missing, the circle is broken. The family dynamics are interrupted, the energy doesn’t flow and the members know something is wrong, something is missing, but don’t know what.
In my case, my siblings didn’t know about me, but the rest of the family did. I can’t imagine the energetic confusion and disruption that would cause in their family constellation.
It’s been proven that babes in utero “learn”. The are aware of the energy, if it’s negative or positive, loving or not wanted. It hardwires us for relationships the rest of our lives. That’s where it affects the family’s Hellinger speaks of…energetically.
Another great book is Synchronicity and Reunion by LaVonne Harper Stiffler. She chronicles over 70 reunited families who have amazing stories of synchronicty in their lives connected to each other.
For those of us who discover this, synchronicity takes the heavy, dark puzzle of love, abandonment, and grief and throws in a dash of amazement. With discovery of these synchronicitys’ comes the awareness of perhaps how close you came to being with your real family and not knowing it.
Many searchers agree that until you find the missing information there is no centeredness for one’s ego..and yet even after the discovery we still need practice putting the puzzle together, making sure it all fits, over and over, looking for the tiniest bits of information that may have been missed.
Not only is there the repressed birth mother’s grief, but the siblings who are stunned to learn they have a sister or brother they never knew existed must cope with shattered illusions. Secrets can destroy a family.
I was stunned when I found my biological family after 35 yrs of searching. I came so close 25 yrs ago I could feel it. I knew I had found the right family and yet they were kept out of my grasp. I was crushed and had to put the tin box back on the shelf to recover.
When I finally was reunited with them not only were there the physical nuances of walk and talk and gestures but there were many events that almost connected us. I discovered I had been in the same small Alberta town visiting when I was young and my biological sisters went to school with a cousin of mine in my adopted world. We had passed through each others lives in many ways and not known it.
When I found them, they were living on Vancouver Island in Victoria. Victoria is my middle name. The were around a certain area that had Toronto Street and Belleville Street. I had lived in Toronto for many years and was then living in Belleville Ontario.
My one sister’s name was my daughters middle name. Her address was part of my phone number. The list goes on… For those adopted, you know how you can’t stop staring, or watching each face or movement to see if it is like yours. To be in front of your genetics feels like fireworks sparking from every pore. That’s the energy connections trying to repair the years of damage done by adoption and disconnect. The energy is palpable. It sets you afire with realization and hope and acknowledgement of all that you should have been part of. To live five decades searching and lacking those energy connections was so full of pain. To know all I missed out on, opens the tin box of grief everyday, it doesn’t lessen, it doesn’t go away. You just have to accept what is and what was and move forward. To integrate with a family that has five decades of dynamics behind them, along with that much history is almost impossible. Where do you fit when you don’t have the rulebook? You know, the unwritten one that no one talks about. I don’t know at this point. Perhaps its nowhere.
Outside of adoption, synchronicity happens with great frequency now that I am more aware and paying attention. Things I would have ignored previously now become like signs to follow to lead me to the next path, the next direction especially with my writing and health issues. I truly believe there are no coincidences nor accidents in life. We are meant to meet the people we meet for reasons and go places we never thought we would go. Do, and read the unusual, act with confidence when trusting your intuition and you never know what you will find.